


I Chose You

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: High School AU, M/M, Self Harm, Suicide, punk!Cas, trigger warning: suicide and self harm in future chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-17
Updated: 2015-01-17
Packaged: 2018-03-07 22:22:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3185393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester has spent the entirety of his senior year secretly obsessing over the unobtainable Castiel, never working up the nerve to talk to him, until they get paired together for an English assignment and hit things off. Just when it seems to Dean like things are going perfect, life swings around to bit him in the face. Learning new things about Castiel that he never would have dreamed, Dean has to choose between keeping his boyfriend from falling apart or his family.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first fic uploaded here... I know it's not the best but meh. Today is my boyfriend and I's three month anniversary, so this firs chapter is dedicated to him.

Dean's gaze drifted around the busy school hallways, not looking for anything in particular. As usual, people chattered and among themselves, slowly walking to their lockers or the next class. It had become a habit for everyone, geeks, jocks, and all the other likes. All except for... Do you like his gaze rest on one particular figure who leaned against his locker, waiting for someone. _All except for him_.

 

As the year had slowly progressed, Dean found himself thinking about this curious new person more and more. Castiel Novak, was his name?

 

Castiel ( _God, what a strange name,_ Dean remembered thinking the first time he heard it. _Were his parents_ trying _to get him teased_?) had yet to conform to what this school considered 'normal,' and he doubted he ever would. He didn't wear the usual sports t-shirt or basic blue jeans. He didn't have his hair brushed neatly down, and he didn't fall into the routines of those surrounding him.

 

No, instead he wore tight shirts (mostly always black) with some unrecognizable logo. Most of the time, they would advertise something called 'Sleeping with Sirens,' 'Pierce the Veil,' and 'Linkin Park.' Dean never bothered to question what they meant, figuring they were some sort of weird and unpopular book or tv show.

 

Instead of baggy blue jeans, Castiel would always wear tight skinny jeans of varying colors- red and black being the most common. They would always cling to his legs- and his hips- in just the right way. And his hair! The jet black hair ( _Seriously, there was just no way that was natural!_ ) with both sides shaved without being a Mohawk, his bangs falling into his eyes. _God, those eyes_. The blue was striking from far away, and he imagined that they could only be more mesmerizing up close. He found that he could get lost in those eyes...

 

 _Stop,_  Dean bitterly commanded himself. He couldn't thing like that! It was just... _Wrong._ He had a girlfriend, Jo, and...

 

_Jo._

 

Dean quickly snapped back to reality, pushing his thoughts to the back of his mind. He realized that Jo had been trying to talk to him. Now, she was leaning against the locker next to him with a seriously pissed off expression- and that meant trouble.

 

"I... I'm sorry. I wasn't listening. What'd you say?" Dean gave her a lazy smile, attempting to act as if he hadn't completely tuned her out, as if those thoughts hadn't just happened.

 

Jo let out a sigh of exasperation. "Obviously..." She mumbled. "What is it with you lately, Dean? You seem so... Detached. Wait, never mind. Don't answer that. I'm not entirely sure if I want to know." She paused for a minute, and Dean wasn't entirely sure if she was going to tell him what she had originally been saying. She probably wasn't sure herself.

 

"As I was _saying_ ," Jo began after a bit, putting emphasis on the end of her sentence, "I was planning on having a party at my house on Friday, but if you would rather spend your time staring at some emo looser-" she enforced her point by looking at Castiel ( _Seriously, was it that obvious he was staring_?) before continuing, "then that's perfectly fine." But it wasn't, and Dean could hear it in her voice, the mix of hurt and annoyance.

 

Dean felt a pang of guilt. Running his hand through his hair and then over his face, he sighed. It took him a moment to figure out what to say.

 

"Look, Jo," he began, pausing and shaking his head. "I'm just tired, and distracted. I swear I wasn't looking at... _that_." Dean felt another pang of guilt, but he was surprised that it wasn't even because he had lied to her. He felt bad for using a word for Castiel that made him sound less human, but why? He often did it without feeling guilty- even if he didn't mean it. Why would it be different now?

 

Jo had always been able to see through Dean's lies, and judging by her forced smile, now was no exception. "Yea, whatever," she mumbled, swinging her backpack over her shoulder. "Call me when you're less distracted, or something." And with that, she turned and walked away, leaving Dean to stare after her. He debated about calling after her and apologizing, but he didn't.

 

Dean had been dating Jo for a month now, which was surprising if one took the fact that his relationships came crashing down after a week, tops, into account. He didn't know why he was holding onto this relationship as he was. Like normal, the beginning was thrilling, the thought of dating Jo having been inviting. As always, though, he lost most of his interest quick.

 

Realizing that his thoughts were beginning to head in a direction he had been attempting to avoid the past two days, he glanced around for a second time, his vision once again focused on Castiel. He noticed as a girl walked up to him. They exchanged a few words, Castiel laughed, and they left together. Dean stood there for a second like an idiot, attempting to make sense of this feelings. He was feeling guilty because of how he treated Jo, not jealousy over Castiel and the girl.

...right?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two in one day. Wow. Don't expect this often, I'm writing from a phone xD

Dean didn't want to go to the rest of his classes that day. He considered skipping again, but he'd done that so often that he risked getting suspended. That never made much sense to Dean- he doesn't want to be in class so he'll get more time off of class? The only thing that stopped him was realizing that if he did get suspended, he'd have to spend more time around his father, who was someone he typically tried to avoid.

 

Dean forced himself to go to class for this reason, but he honestly couldn't be bothered to listen. He started sketching aimlessly in one of his notebooks during English, not even caring what the doodles looked like to him or to anyone else. When the teacher told him off, he hardly found it in himself to care that people were staring, but half-listened (well, more of acted like he was while he stared off into space) to the teacher.

 

If Dean was told that he had one day left to live, he would come here, where the days were known to last forever. He had a suspicion that the clocks were secretly set off or something, making every class two hours instead of on.

 

When the class was finally finished, Dean shot out of his chair. He was the first one out of the classroom, though the mob to the door was like the freaking Hunger Games, which is sort of ironic seeing as the next period was lunch.

 

Dean found himself waiting for Jo by his locker, as usual. He was only a little bit surprised when she didn't come, but he knew that it could be for a variety of reasons. Sure, it was most likely that she was pissed off, but she was a girl. She'd get over it quickly. Besides, she could have forgotten to mention that she was spending lunch with her other friends. She did that a lot, after all.

 

It was his senior year, so Dean decided he would make the most out of it, and sitting in some shitty school cafeteria certainly wasn't the most. The other option was to walk in the pouring rain for a half a mile, but it'd be worth it to be away from this dump called a school.

 

God, Dean had to be the only senior without a car.

 

A few minutes, gallons of rainwater, and soaked through clothes (including socks, dang it!) later, Dean arrived at the closest restaurant, McDonalds. It may be greasy and a lot of the time gross, but it was the only place he could eat at if not at school, given his lousy budget.

 

Dean wasn't the only one there. At first, though, he thought he was the only high schooler there. A couple of tables were filled up with old people, all chattering away about whatever old people talked about. Once he walked towards the counter and got a different angle of the room, though, he stopped in his tracks.

 

In the corner, Castiel Novak was sitting, his food mostly eaten. Dean bit his lip and looked away before he could be caught. Was that guy _always_  near him? Dean shrugged it off and ordered a Big Mac. He probably shouldn't have, he knew that he was trying to stick to the dollar menu, but seriously, not even a pig could eat stuff from there. Except for the sodas, which, thankfully, we're always a dollar. Dean never had time to finish it, but he would always order a large.

 

Dean headed to sit down at a table, making sure it was very far away from Castiel's. To his disliking, though, he still had a clear view. When Dean glanced up, Castiel was staring at him. Dean felt his breath catch in his throat. _Damn, those eyes..._

 

_Stop it..!_

 

Itntook Dean a full minute to realize that Castiel's expression was a mixture of annoyance, amusement and boredom. Surely that was always how he looked, but... Why amused?

 

Lost in his confusion, Dean didn't realize that Castiel had gotten up, much less that he was walking towards him until he sat down right across from him. That shocked Dean back to reality. He opened his mouth to say something, but before he could think, Castiel spoke.

 

"Close your mouth before the flies get in, Winchester. I don't want to be here any more than you do, but this is probably the only way I'll get your attention, besides you staring at me in the halls." Damn it, so maybe it _was_  obvious... "But we need to figure out what we're doing for our English assignment."

 

Dean sat there for a second, feeling like an idiot. English assignment. And... "We? _Our_?" He voiced his thoughts.

 

Castiel stared at him for what felt like an eternity, his expression now pure annoyance than anything else, before sighing and running a hand through his hair.

 

"You're hopeless, Winchester," Castiel mumbled. Then, a bit louder this time, he continued. "You know, we have to cowrite a short story with someone? Switching from paragraph to paragraph?"

 

"And who says I want you to be the person I work on it with?" Dean snapped. Okay, so maybe he _did_ want to work with Castiel, but like hell was he admitting it. "And my name isn't Winchester. It's Dean."

 

"I never said you wanted to work with me, but Ms. Gunn-" their English teacher- "paired us together. Weren't you listening, _Winchester_?" Castiel put extra emphasis on his name, most likely to annoy him.

 

Dean scowled. "Whatever, _Cas_ ," he replied, saying the first nickname that came to mind, hoping he didn't like it. It was much easier to say, though.

 

Castiel- _Cas_ \- glared at him. "Only my friends call me Cas, _Winchester_."

 

Dean rolled his eyes. "Yea, whatever, _Cas._  I don't have time right now and I'm busy today. We'll meet tomorrow at the library after school or something."

 

"Great, that's all I needed to know, _Winchester_." Castiel stood up and mumbled something inaudible before pushing his way out of the fast food restaurant and leaving Dean with a few old people staring at him.

 

Dean didn't leave right away, not wanting to bump into Cas. Instead, he stared down at untouched food, no longer having an appetite for. The only thing Dean could think is why tomorrow couldn't come sooner, and why was he excited? He hated writing!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I was planning on having this up tomorrow or the next day, but I'm borrowing my mom's cool bluetooth keyboard thingy so I'm not just typing from my touch screen IPhone keyboard!
> 
> Anyways, pssst. I love comments on my works... psst.. that may be a hint... please? I'll give you Sammy puppydog eyes... and I'll retrieve Adam from hell!

Pie. His dad's impala (which he was never allowed to touch, but he could still admire from afar). His little brother, Sammy. These were things that Dean Winchester liked.

 

He did not like, however, pissed off girlfriends. Or libraries. Or school. Or waiting. Or moody, emo jerks who just happened to be ridiculously cute.

 

Maybe that's why Dean happened to be in a bad mood from the moment he woke up to the moment he went to bed.

 

It started with him waking up to his brother's happy cheers and someone hitting him in the face.

 

Dean, reluctant to believe that he was awake, rolled over with a loud groan. Stuffing his face into a pillow, he mumbled something like "Go 'way, s'mmy" but it could have also been "gwhsysmys" Really, one could have interpreted it either way. Though Dean tried, now that he was awake, it was near impossible to fall back asleep- especially with his little brother shouting enthusiastically in his room. Something about giving a speech about how the government works or something. Typical Sammy and his lawyer-ness or something. Seriously, Dean could see that kid going somewhere in life.

 

"Dean! Get up!" Sam's tone changed once he realized that his older brother wasn't actually listening. Now, he sounded more annoyed than anything. "You don't want to be late for your date with that Cas dude." Dean sat up at that.

 

"One: It's Friday?? Two: How the hell did you know that? Three: It is _not_ a date. I am perfectly straight, thank you very much." _I think,_ he added mentally, but of course he wouldn't even say it. Heck, he would hardly even let himself think it. Because surely he was straight. He wasn't going to let himself be wrong in _that_  way- if he was, admittedly, wrong in a few other ways. But it was a good sort of wrong. The wrong that got him all the girls.

Sam did something weird that was most likely a giggle, but it also had somewhat of a snort hidden in it. "Yea, because you're as straight as a bendy straw. You just won't admit it. Seriously Dean, Gabriel and I are betting on who will ask the other out first."

 

Dean leapt to his feet at this, and his younger brother ran out the door. _Dang little brothers,_ Dean thought.  _Both of the Winchester_ _and Novak variety._  

 

Dean realized that Sam had most likely used that as a trick to get him out of bed, and groaned. Of course, he was always stupid enough to fall for that.

 

The rest of the day was dealing with a pissed off Jo. He hadn't talked to her much the other day. Of course, he would have, just out of guilt- both from his brother and honest feelings. She seemed to have wanted to make a point in not seeing him the day before, though, so Dean was only really relieved when she showed up to him during lunch. Dean forced himself not to let his eyes roam over to where he could practically sense Castiel- _Cas_ , that is- on the other side of the hall. He knew that if he let himself look at those eyes this time, things would be royally and permanently screwed up.

 

"Hey, Jo!" He said a bit too cheerily when she appeared in his line of sight. He was determined to make things right. He wasn't a jerk, or at least he prided in thinking so, and he didn't want it to seem like he was, especially not to his _girlfriend_.

 

"Hey, I'm really sorry about yesterday. Like I said, I was a bit distracted and tired, but I think it was still out of line. I really shouldn't have-" Dean had a whole spew planned out, which was really out of character for him seeing as he just _didn't_ do chick flick moments, but Jo interrupted him.

 

"Dude, don't worry about it." She shook her head, her blonde hair falling in her eyes. She didn't bother to move it. After a second, though, it started to make Dean's mind go crazy, so he brushed it behind her ear. They were silent for a moment, then Jo continued, as if she had been unable to speak from his actions.

 

"I was in the wrong for getting all pissy over it. That's in the past now. So are you coming to the party tonight or not?" She looked at him expectantly, and Dean could tell that she was hoping, maybe even expecting, him to say yes. Dean almost did, too, until he was suddenly aware of how he could practically feel Castiel at the other end of the hall, and Dean was reminded of his other plans. Why did he always have to be crappy at planning things? Scratch that, why did school always have to get in the way with his planning things?

 

"Well, of course. I mean... no." He paused, taking in Jo's expression. Was she confused? Hurt? "That didn't really make sense. I mean, I would. You know that I totally would, because I enjoy parties, I enjoy you- okay that came out a bit wrong. Anyways, I would, but I have to get together with someone to work on our English assignment."

 

Jo's expression finally settled on confusion. "Dean, why does an English assignment suddenly matter to you? Since when do you care about school?" Well, maybe she wasn't the best role model, but she did know how Dean tended to work.

 

Dean let out a nervous laugh. "Trust me, it doesn't matter worth beans to me, but it's a partner project."

 

"And..? I'm not saying I encourage it, but normally on parter projects, you just do nothing and have the other person do all the work?"  Dean opened his mouth to continue, but he had hesitated for too long, and Jo had enough time to get more words in. "Dean, is this because of me? This is when you get bored of me, isn't it." Jo shook her head and picked up her backpack again. "What's wrong with you, Dean?"

 

"Jo! No! I mean, no, I'm not bored with you. I just... Trust me, I care about you." 'I care about you' was Dean's way of saying that he loved someone, because apparently he had 'commitment issues' and 'troubles admitting his affection' as stated by multiple people in the past. "It's just that if I don't pull my weight in this project, I'm afraid that my partner will gut me like a fish. With a spoon."

 

Jo managed to quirk an eyebrow at his weird comparison, then shook her head. "Whatever, Dean. I have to go get lunch with Lisa, I promised I would today. Have fun with whatever you're supposed to be doing." And with that, she walked away.

 

Well, so much for making up with Jo.

 

After school hadn't gone much better, or at least in Dean's opinion. From the moment that he had stepped foot into the library, Dean wished he hadn't. Castiel was sitting in the corner of the library already, and didn't look up even when Dean had plopped down in the seat across from him.

 

"Winchester," Castiel observed, his voice void of any emotion other than boredom. "Yo, Cas. So, what're we doing for this English assignment thingy? What is it again?"

 

"Honestly, Winchester. For one, the assignment is to cowrite a story of at least 1,000 words. Honestly, what do you use your memory for? Car parts and Metallica lyrics?"

 

"...mostly," Dean mumbled before he could stop himself. Cas rolled his eyes.

 

"Whatever. And secondly, I haven't a clue what we're doing yet. _That's why we're here_. To figure it out."

 

"Dude, I'm not any good with this writing stuff. I'll let you know that I have an F in English-"

 

"Most likely in all your subjects, but continue," Cas interjected.

 

"No comment, but as I was saying, I have an F in English, so that should tell you that you shouldn't rely on me for this writing stuff."

 

Cas rolled his eyes. "Winchester, tell me one thing; have you ever heard the phrase 'team work?'"

 

Dean gave him a bitchface, not much unlike what the younger Winchester would do. "I'm not a freaking idiot."

 

"Right, you keep telling yourself that. Now, maybe we should apply that to this situation. Unless you need to get a dictionary to explain exactly _what_ team work is. Then by all means, I'll happily wait here while you figure it out."

 

"Wait, you mean that if I stare at a dictionary and pretend to use a dictionary, that I can avoid this assignment?"

 

"....you really are hopeless, Winchester."

 

Needless to say, they didn't figure out squat about their assignment, and at the end of the day, they both went home in bad moods.

 

Dean had been quiet the rest of the day, thinking over the situation. Honestly, how could one even begin to think that he had any shred of fiction-writing (or even non-fiction, for that matter) intelligence in him? That was just asking too much!

 

At the end of the day, Dean had had far too much snappy, sarcastic conversations with rude emo kids and teasing from Sam to last him a lifetime, and he was more than happy to lose himself in the peaceful marvel called sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry for not updating. Finals suck!! I seriously hope I did all this formatting right. I typed it up funny. This is unbetas, so all mistakes are my own. Or my phone's or whatever. This touch screen sucks. 
> 
> But eeee I wrote fluff-ish!

If Dean knew one thing, it was that Cas was getting more and more annoying as each day went by. 

_'You have to pull your weight in this assignment, Winchester.' 'Stop texting and help. God damn it, Winchester. We have two weeks to finish this assignment.' 'I can't do this by myself. It's_ cowriting. _I need to write with_ someone! 

It was today that Dean finally got pissed off. It wasn't like he wasn't trying or anything! He just couldn't work with Cas nagging at him. Or with other people. Apparently, he had accidentally yelled his thoughts, and it was silent for a long moment. Dean thought about saying 'sorry,' but he didn't see why he should, and bit back his apology. 

After a long and tense moment, Castiel shook his head. 

"Look, Winchester-" 

Dean felt angered again when Cas used his last name along with such an annoyed tone- which was probably very hypocritical of him, but he wasn't thinking about that. 

_Don't_ call me Winchester! And don't bother saying something about how I need to get to work hand help, because I know, damn it! _I know!"_ Dean paused when he saw the beginning of a smile on Castiel's face. 

"What're you so happy about?" Dean snapped. 

Castiel shook his head again. "You're a pain in the ass, Winchester. Anyone ever tell you that?" Despite his words, Cas sounded more amused than anything. 

"Yea, you," Dean mumbled, looking at his hands in fear of the other boy seeing his ridiculous expression. 

There was another long silence before Cas shouted, "That's it!" And almost made Dean fall out of his chair. The younger boy didn't wait for a response before continuing. 

It's _cowriting_

"You think?" Dean mumbled when he didn't elaborate. 

"Meaning we have to work together." 

"Seriously, didn't we just go over this?"

"You're missing the point, Winchester."

"Then just tell me!" 

"Meaning it has to be something both of the authors like. We can't just throw things out there individually- we have to _combine_ ideas! So tell me, Winchester. What are some of the things you like?" 

Dean wasn't sure where this was going, but he decided to play along. "Uh, I like cars, and.. Mechanics." _Stupid!_ he thought to himself. Why did he have to sound so unintelligent? 

Dean could practically hear Cas smirk. "Right. Should'a guessed. And I uh..." Cas muttered a series of curses. "There's no possible way to combine what we like to make an even remotely interesting story. Are you sure we haven't gotten any secret, more interesting hobbies we could use?" 

Dean shook his head. "I'm telling you, Cas. This is hopeless." 

_"Well..."_ Cas started to sound annoyed again, so Dean decided to interrupt. 

"You know..." Dean paused for a second, hoping it seemed like he had an idea. Judging by the black haired boy's expectant expression, it had worked. "Castiel, you're an Ass-tiel." 

Cas rolls his eyes with an exaggerated sigh. "Real original, Winchester. Because I _totally_ haven't heard that before." 

Dean shrugged with a little smirk. "Probably because it's true." 

Dean thought he was being funny, that they were joking around, but Cas didn't seem to think so, as he abruptly stood up and started shoving his stuff in his bag. Dean sat there stupidly for a moment before regaining his coolness. 

"What're you doing?" 

"I'm done. I just can't work with you, Winchester. I'll take an F for all I care." 

_'You can't just give up,'"_ Dean mimicked what Cas had said just days before. 

Cas turned and looked back at him, but he didn't sit back down. Instead, he put his hands on the table and leaned with his weight on them. 

"Tell me, Winchester. Why is it that you can just sit there and do nothing, but I can't leave to make better use of my time rather than sitting around and getting pissed off by you?" 

Dean suddenly felt like a big jerk. He found himself glancing around the room. Without thinking, he spoke. 

"I don't know, man. I'm trying to think, I swear. I just can't. All I know is that I just can't get another F, or my dad is going to be pissed off at me. And if he's pissed off at me, he'll try to take it out on my brother, and if he does that, I'll do more stupid stuff to try to distract him from my brother, and-" Dean instantly shut up when he realized what he was saying. _Stupid! Can't I watch my own mouth?!_ Dean thought angrily. 

Dean was aware of Cas sitting down again. He allowed himself to look up, taking in the sadness and understanding in the once brilliant blue eyes, and Dean looked away before he was caught staring. 

"I don't need your pity," Dean said, setting his jaw. 

"You think I pity you?" Dean could almost hear him shaking his head. "Anyways, you probably want me to forget about what you said, and because I'm just _that_ nice, I will. But I think I just might have an idea." 

"Is it another dead end?" Dean asked, attempting to come across as if he wasn't still affected by his own words. In reality, though, Dean felt like an idiot. If he had said the wrong thing to the right person, he could have gotten Sammy and him separated. 

"I guess that is up to us." 

"Wow! What a clear answer!" 

"I know, right?" 

"Just tell me the idea, you big idiot." 

"On second thought, I don't think I want to..." 

"Oh come on, Cas! Just tell me. Don't be a dick _now_ of all times!" 

"Well, _maybe_ I'd tell you if you would stop being such a depressing moron right now." 

So that's what this was all about- just a ruse to cheer him up. Not that it didn't work, of course. He has the first hint of a smile on his face. 

"Yea, whatever. Just tell me the idea, Asstiel." 

"I swear, if you start using that as a nickname for me, I'll start calling you Deanna Loosechester. No joke." 

"Fine. Cas." 

"Winchester." 

"Idea." 

"Pineapple." 

"...Wha?" 

"I thought we were starting to say things that are random as hell." 

_"No._ Tell me your idea, you idiot." 

"My idea was pineapple." 

Dean rolled his eyes. _"You're hopeless,"_ he mimicked. Or, at least he attempted to mimic, but he was laughing too hard. 

If someone had told him we could go with that he, a popular dude that was into cars, would be laughing to the point of breathlessness at something that Cas, an emo dude who kept him self, he would have said they were crazy. 

"You know," Cas started after recovering from his own laughing fit. "That wasn't my idea, but out of lack of anything better, we can always use that as our first line." 

"Oh? And where would we go from there?" 

Castiel shrugged. "That was my original plan. We just keep writing without an actual plot and see what happens. That way, we will at least have _something_ to turn in." 

Dean shrugged and went along with it. After a half hour, they had a page of comical rambling. Dean's bland writing seems boring next to Cas' descriptive and eloquent words. 

Dean was packed up and almost out the door when Castiel up. 

"Hey, Winchester?" His voice came hesitantly, like he was nervous. When Dean turned to face him but didn't say anything, Cas continued. 

"I was wondering if you wanted to meet up tomorrow at lunch," then he hastily added, "to work on the story. I was having fun."

Dean couldn't help but smirk. "What, are you asking me on a date?" He teased, not expecting Castiel to reply like he did next. 

"Yea. I mean... I mean no! No! Unless you want... Then yea. But no! No..." 

Dean didn't know why, but with red cheeks accompanying those ocean blue eyes, he thought that it was cute. He laughed a bit at his thought. Acting before he could think, the older boy nodded. _Why can't I take back actions?!?_ Dean found himself thinking along with a series of curses. He couldn't take it back, though, so he decided to just get it through. 

"Yea, I'd like that." 

Cas' face split into a smile. "See you tomorrow, then, Winchester." And with that, he was out of the library at near lightning speed. 

Dean didn't worry about the fact that he was already dating Jo. All he could think was that maybe, just _maybe,_ It wasn't all that bad of a thing to be called by his last name. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. I know it's been a while since I've uploaded. I've been busy with finals, and other things. I've been really stressed, so... I didn't know if I'd even make it to be able to upload this chapter. Because of this, this may be pretty sucky. Sorry.

It's remarkable how quickly sam finds things out. As soon as Dean had walked into the house, he had the energetic boy all over him. 

"Dean has a boyfriend!" Sam shouted with a grin, ducking out of the door to avoid a flying plastic cup, which _may_ have been thrown by Dean.

"One, Sammy, keep your voice down! I don't want dad hearing you say that. _Two,_ he's not my boyfriend! _Three,_ how the _hell_ did you find out?"

Sam popped his head in the room again. "Not your boyfriend? But you two are going on a date?" He inquired, completely ignoring his older brother's question. 

"It's.... It's not a date," Dean muttered. 

"That's not what Gabe said Cas said you agreed to! Come on, stop denying your love for him." 

This earned another flying cup, which Sam dodged again. 

"Go do some smart-kid stuff, Sam!" Dean mumbled, heading back to the door. He may have just gotten home, but he'd be damned if he was going to sit and listen to his little brother. He _wasn't_ in love with Castiel. Okay, so maybe he kept getting distracted by those ocean blue eyes, but surely that was completely normal. After all, they were so damn bright. And if one looked closely enough, they would see so many emotions. Amusement, sadness, anxiety, joy, boredom and excitement. It was an awe-striking sight, and okay, maybe Dean found that he had to stop himself from laughing and fixing the younger boy's hair when it was in a particularly bad state of bed head. 

That didn't mean he was in _love_ with him, though!

Dean realized that he had been walking without thinking about where he was going. That's why he stopped and blinked in surprise when he found himself at the park. The last time he had been here was with his little brother, and he'd been bored out of his mind. He generally tried to avoid this place. 

It took him a moment of thinking, and he as reminded of a conversation he'd had with Cas the first time they had met up at the library, trying to find out the best time to meet again and work on their project. Cas had informed him that on Wednesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays, he took his brothers- Gabriel and Samandriel- to the park. Sometimes, his older bothers, Balthazar, Lucifer and Raphael would accompany them. Dean hadn't realized he was actually listening at the time, thinking about how his parents _must_ have been crazy for giving them such weird names. Gabriel and Raphael seemed to be the only exceptions in the odd-name heritage. 

Anyways, the day just so happened to be Wednesday.

"Following me, are you, Winchester?" A familiar deep voice said from behind him. 

Dean muttered a series of curses. No turning back now. He turned around to see Cas, his hair even more messy and his clothes looking rather wrinkled. Despite his disheveled look, he still wore his casual smirk. 

"Why would i follow _you?_ I've got much better things to do than stalk my English partner, like hide from my little brother." 

Castiel put on a fake frown, but the spark in his eyes was full of amusement and teasing. 

"Is that all I am to you? Your English partner?" 

Dean laughed. "Of course not. You're my English partner who looks like he stood too close to a tornado." Finally, Dean couldn't help it any more and smoothed down Cas' hair, immediately drawing the attention of a young kid. 

"Cassie's got a boyfriend!" The kid shouted. He couldn't have been more than eight years old. He wore a red hat over his dirty blond hair, a shirt with some character, casual blue jeans, and a playful grin that he had to have picked up from Castiel. 

Cas glared at the kid. "Do not! He's just, uh, my English partner. Now go play with Gabriel or something." The kid obeyed, and the two were left alone again. 

"Is that all I am to you? Your English partner?" 

Cas seemed to ignore Dean, leaning against a tree. "That was Samandriel- or Andy, as I call him. You come here to escape your little brother and you'll get two of mine," he shook his head. 

"Well, so far I've only seen one, so I think I'm all good."

Cas mumbled something that could have been 'miraculously,' then spoke up. "I don't have to watch my brothers because Raphael and Balthazar are here, so do you want to walk with me before Gabriel decides to be a pain in the ass?" 

Dean hesitated for a moment, trying to figure out what to say. He didn't know what they'd do on the walk, considering they'd never talked outside of the library. However, Dean could sense something almost desperate. It was in the way he said his brother's name, Raphael. It was in the way hope mixed with fear in his eyes, It was in Cas' change of tone. 

Dean knew something was going on, and he had to help, even if he didn't know. He nodded a bit.

"Yea, I guess that would be okay. I don't have to be back at my place for another while." 

At Dean's words, hope seemed to become the dominant emotion in his eyes, and Dean had to look away from the ocean-like orbs in order not to get distracted. He noticed that, despite the various puzzling emotions in his eyes, Cas kept his constant playful grin. 

Without saying anything, Cas started to lead the way. They ended up walking down a well traveled path in the forest right by the park. While the park and everything around it yelled 'city!' the forest gave the illusion of being in the wilderness, far away from society. Dean wouldn't be surprised if they happened upon a deer. 

After a moment of silence, Dean decided things were becoming too awkward. 

"So why did you ask me to walk with you, anyways? I'm not exactly the most desirable company." 

Dean looked at Cas, and he could tell the younger boy was watching him out of the corner of his eye. Realizing Dean saw him watching, Cas quickly averted his gaze. Dean noticed that he wasn't grinning anymore, even if his words made him sound like it.

"I don't know. Maybe because I like you," (Dean definitely did _not_ blush at this!) "Maybe it's because I hate that goddamned park. Maybe it's something else." 

Dean nodded, thinking the words over. "Well, I certainly am like-able, aren't I? And that park _is_ pretty sucky. I _do_ think there's more to it, so I'll go with D. All of the above. But what exactly _is_ C?"

Cas stopped and turned to a bush that was dotted with small, black, and round berries. Cas reached to pick some, his shirt lifting just enough to reveal a bruise on his side. If Dean didn't suspect anything before, he certainly did now. 

Cas turned to Dean, offering a berry and putting one in his own mouth. "Tell me, Winchester, have you ever tried a huckleberry?" 

As a matter of fact, he had. Just before his mom had died in a fire at their old house, she would always take them to the forest to pick things like lobster mushrooms, chanterelles, huckleberries, and currents. Sometimes they would make the huckleberries into jam and freeze them. Dean was about to tell Cas something along those lines when he realized that Cas was just trying to change the subject. 

"Cas, don't try to distract me. I know something's up. Tell me. What happened to your side?" 

Cas turned around, hiding his expression from Dean. He resumed walking, eating another huckleberry. "Maybe I don't want to talk about it. Why do you care?" 

Dean grabbed Cas' hand without thinking, making him stop walking. 

"Maybe it's because I like you. Maybe it's because I'm nosy. Maybe it's something else." 

Cas didn't reply right away, leaning against one of the trees. 

"Do you know why I decided that you were worth my time, Winchester?" 

"Why?" While Dean was curious, he wasn't entirely sure if he wanted to know the answer. 

"Because... What you told me, about your father. I thought that you would understand. That you'd know that I don't want to talk about... That you wouldn't pressure me." Cas stopped, his voice starting to break. 

"Cas.... I understand, but... I also know what it's like to feel liek you want to talk but you have no one there. So I'm telling you that I'm here, okay?" 

There was a long silence. Cas took a deep breath, and after more hesitation, he looked up. Dean felt an odd emotion- guilt? Sadness? Sympathy? All three?- when he saw Cas' expression. 

Cas was no longer trying to come off like he was care free. He wasn't waring his usual smirk. Instead, the corners of his mouth pulled down in the beginnings of a frown. His eyes were beginning to tear up. 

"Dean," Cas said, his voice cracking. He shook his head and looked at the ground. 

Dean didn't know what he was doing. He just let his body take over, stepping towards Cas. Before he knew it, he had one hand gently cupping Cas' face, the other on his hip, and thier lips were gently pressed against each other. 

Dean was oblivious to their surroundings. He didn't hear someone walk up behind them .He was too busy thinking about how soft Cas' lips were, about how the younger man had wrapped his arms around his neck. About how he must be living on a cloud because the ground seemed to be floating away. Dean was yanked away from this pure bliss at the sound of a man's voice. 

"Castiel!" 

Cas tensed in Dean's armes before he quickly pulled away. 

"R-Raphael..." Cas' voice and eyes were full of fear. He glanced from his oldest brother do Dean. 

Dean kept his gaze on Raphael. He didn't see how these two could be related. They were nothing alike! Even beyond the obvious physical appearances, they were different. Raphael had a cold gaze. He stood straight and had a no-nonsense-like air about him, where Cas was all lazy smirks and laid back. 

Dean wanted to say something to the son of a bitch, but he knew that he would only make things worse for Castiel. 

"Castiel," Raphael started again. He started to walk towards Cas, roughly grabbing his arm. "Come, we need to go." His voice was cold and angry. 

Dean wanted to shout at Raphael. He wanted to tell him to leave his friend alone, but he felt frozen as Raphael dragged Cas away. Cas glanced behing him, his blue eyes, full of fear and hurt, meeting Dean's green ones before the two disappeared down the path. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eeeeh, I'm sorry for such the long hiatus! Remember how on the first chapter I said that this was dedicated to my boyfriend and I wrote it on our anniversary? We kinda broke up and I couldn't write this for a long while because of that. But now I'm over it and I've even started dating someone else, and I felt like I needed to update it,, so here. Yes, I know this sucks. Half of it was written last night when I was half asleep ,and the other half in a word war, soooo xDD

There was a voice in the back of Dean's mind that kept telling him that Cas wouldn't be at school the next day, but every time the voice dared to pipe up, he always shoved it to the back of his mind. He refused to listen to the voice, because in all honesty, he knew that the voice was right, but he didn't want to have to consider the circumstances of why Cas might not be there. He didn't want to have to think that his... friend? were they actually friends? Any way, he didn't want to have to accept the fact that Cas might be hurt, or the fact that it was most likely because of him. No, it was much easier to believe that he would be able to walk through the school doors and instantly spot the black haired, blue eyed boy with his usual smirk, leaning against a locker and talking to his friends like nothing had happened. Like yesterday had all been a dream. 

And Dean most certainly didn't stop to question how many other times in the past that Cas had been hurt by his family, and how many times he hadn't noticed and continued to casually make fun of him for being different and how he had most likely contributed to whatever pain Cas might have been feeling. 

Dean most certainly did not stop to consider this, because he knew that if he did, he'd feel like an asshole and he'd lose what little of his composure he had left. 

So of course, Dean had woken up early the next morning, his anxiety keeping him from sleeping from too long. He got weird looks from his little brother- he was always late, after all- and his father couldn't have cared less. 

Normally, Dean would have been at school just minutes before the last bell would ring, which normally resulted him being late. Today, however, he was almost half an hour early. None of his friends were there yet, and he was glad for that. He wasn't in the mood to make idle conversation with one of them, his mind racing to Cas. He didn't know what he would do if he didn't show up. 

Dean spent fifteen minutes staring at the other end of the hall hopefully. He couldn't help but think that maybe, just maybe the shorter boy would walk in any second, his earbuds in and oblivious to his surroundings. That maybe he was worried for no reason. 

Dean spent five more minutes like that before he started to lose hope. Someone had walked up to him, and he wouldn't have noticed if it was the freaking president, for he was to preoccupied with staring at the wall until his eyes hurt, blinking, then repeating. He ended up just brushing them away. 

Apparently, the person who was trying to talk to him hadn't left, and he hadn't realized that they were standing there yelling his name until they yelled "Winchester!" Dean jerked to attention at this, hope spreading inside him again. Maybe the voice in his mind had been wrong? 

Dean quickly looked at the person beside him, feeling deflated as he realized it wasn't Cas. Though, it was one of Cas' friends, the girl that he had seen Cas walking off with the other day. The girl that he thought was his girlfriend- who might actually still be his girlfriend, for all he knew. 

"I, uh, sorry, what?" Dean asked, his voice distant despite his efforts. 

The girl huffed, brushing her bangs aside and looking at him with brown eyes, which were far too boring compared to Cas' in Dean's opinion. 

"You're the one that Cas has been talking about non stop, right? Dean Winchester?" 

Dean almost forgot to reply. Cas had been talking about him? Why? What had he been saying? 

And since when had he turned into a teenage girl? Dean found himself scolding himself, annoyed. Now was not the time for getting worked up. Besides, Dean Winchester most certainly did NOT get crushes. No, of course not. 

Dean mentally kicked himself, trying to regain his coolness. He leaned against the lockers and looked at the girl. 

"Who's asking? You his girlfriend?" He asked. He tried not to keep the disappointment out of his voice. 

The girl sort of laughed, sort of snorted. "That's a bit hypocritical, don't you think? I mean, don't you have a girlfriend, too?" 

Dean winced slightly. How much did this girl know, or was she just incredibly smart? Or was he just easier to read than an open book, despite his efforts? Dean liked to think that he could easily hide his emotions, but of course, a lot more often than not, that backfired. (Well, ot was mostly Sammy figuring things out, but still. After all, that boy WAS pretty smart.) 

Dean rolled his eyes, forcing a small smirk. "You didn't answer my question." 

The girl huffed in annoyance, and Dean couldn't help but note how much she acted like Cas. He wondered who had adapted the actions from who, or if they were just exactly the same in personality. 

"Fine, whatever, no. But I do happen to be his best friend, and I think that it would be best if you just laid off for a while." 

"Laid off?" Dean asked. He couldn't find it in himself to realize that he was sounding- and probably looking- really stupid at that moment. 

"Laid off. Like left Cas alone. I mean, have you not stopped to realize that you're the reason Cas isn't at school today? That maybe you just put him in trouble even more than he already was, that you're no good for him? I don't want someone like you hanging around Cas and getting him more hurt than he already was. So yes, lay off." 

Dean couldn't quite make sense of his emotions. What was going on? He wasn't supposed to be the person who was confused about things, how got hurt at the thought of leaving someone he cared about. He wasn't the one to even care about people- except, again, for Sammy. He wasn't the one to have the crush- normally he was just the one who went along with everything. 

And this time, he wasn't going to just go along with it. He knew that much. 

But how? After all, for all he knew, Cas wouldn't show up at school for a long time, and he didn't have another way of contacting him, so what if he was forced into going along with things? 

He'd find a way, he told himself. He's Dean-Freaking-Winchester! He always finds a way! He doesn't just back down from something like this, of course! 

"No," He said simply, shrugging. 

The girl- what was her name, anyways? She hadn't even introduced herself, just got to business. Dean couldn't figure out if he liked that about her not. Maybe on any other person he would have- stared him up for a long moment before sighing. 

"You're not going to back down, are you? No, I suppose not. I was warned you were incredibly stubborn- and don't you dare attempt to deny that because we both know it's true. But if you don't stay away from him on your own, then I will have to make you." 

"Is that a threat?" Dean's emotions unclouded just enough for him to be able to find amusement, and he shook his head. Who did she think she was, threatening HIM?

The girl shrugged. "Maybe it is." And with that, she walked away. 

"Good luck with that, Darling!" He shouted after her. He was washed over with relief when she left, and he even managed to ignore the fact that she had flipped him the bird, because he was a Winchester, and he wasn't supposed to care. 

Dean glanced towards the doors of the school. So Cas wasn't coming to him today, that was for sure. Figuring out if Cas was okay may not be as easy as waiting for him to walk through the doors, but no... He was going to find him and make sure he was okay, even if that meant skipping school. Especially if that meant skipping school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pffft could you guys maybe leave feedback? Please? *Sam-puppy dog face* No? Okay? xD


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